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| Time for your shot! |
Well, the world shut down due to the Covid Virus, prolonged by the "not me" disbelievers who refuse to stay home so that the government has to mandate self-protection. As for myself, I embrace Captain Kirk's response for a special Darwin Award.
My experience went a little differently and I'd like to let you see..
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| Park in Rear |
I went to the King Soopers website but I think I spelled it wrong, though despite that, I was able to make an appointment for my vaccination shot. Oddly, there were a lot of pop-ups and I had to enter my back account information and credit cards (at least 3 of them) and was warned not to use them or look at the balance for 7 weeks. My appointment was the next day.
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| Hackerman |
I walked in to a King Soopers as instructed and went to the Pharmacy section.
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| Welcome to my Pharmacy |
"Sir, we don't have you on our list."
"... I scheduled online."
"Sir, I don't show you here" (flipping through pages)
".. well there must be some mistake?"
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| It's right there on the computer! |
I really hate it when people can't handle computers. "It's on LINE" I explained.
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| I don't know what you want. You can't get that here, stepbrother! |
Suddenly I was grabbed by my right arm, "Sir, I got you on this one."
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| Come with me if you want to die. |
There was a guy who was dressed in jeans and a laboratory coat and a 1920's headband circular mirror who smelled a little off and the girl pharmacist seemed confused.
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| Yep. I'm a doctor. Check out me outfit. |
"See?" I explained. "I knew I'd be on the list."
"Right this way, sir!" he said. Quite the charming chap.
I looked back and she seemed confused and a bit worried and tried to say something but I knew I was in good hands. I noticed my doctor had sandals on and no socks as he shoved me hurriedly along.
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| Where are you going, sir? |
We made it to a door near the dairy section and it looked like a break-room for the King Soopers faculty. No one else was there.
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| Make sure you clock-out for your 30 minute break! |
He handed me a paper that had me check off a few things like "Mother's Maiden Name", address, social security, etc. Bank username and password. The usual. After I filled out everything we went to another door that had Covid Pharmacy hand-written on the door on a piece of paper. We went in and it looked more like a janitor's closet than a vaccination center. It was small, maybe 10 x 4 feet with 2 stools and he sat me down back to the wall facing him and the door and he closed it.
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| Welcome to the doctor's office. |
"We are getting so many appointments right now we have to move things back here." he explained while taking out a large brown bottle.
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| It's vaccine time, me bucko. |
"Is that the vaccine?" I asked.
"It's an anesthetic before the shot." He grabbed some Clorox bleach and opened it and then poured-in about a 1/3rd of a bottle of rubbing alcohol and shook it up and took a white rag and soaked it.
"We have to see if you have Covid already or not. Can you smell this?" He held the rag up to my face and I took a big sniff.
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| Shhh.. only dreams now. |
"Sort of sweet and medicine-y." I stated. "Guess I don't have Covid!"
"Congratulations you sonofabitch."
"Wait, what?" He got up close to me and squeezed my boobies very very hard and I blacked-out while throwing-up.
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| You like that? No? Too bad. |
I woke up with a headache and it was hard to breathe. I couldn't move and noticed I was wearing different clothes. Leather shorts and suspenders and a white shirt. There was a mirror in front of me and I could see myself dressed up like a German Mountaineer with lederhosen like in Oktoberfest with the hat and the little booties. Seems I was tied to a chair of sorts. I had red lips which tasted odd like lipstick.
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| Drink-up, little step-bear. (Brazzers) |
"What? What's happening?"
My doctor rushed into the room that looked a lot like an examination room at a doctor's office with the examination table missing and just the chair in its place, so it seemed official with cabinets and what-not. He was dressed differently and more professional, which was a relief. He kept lunging towards me however while opening Maple Nut Goodies package and shoved 5 or 6 of them in my mouth and then duct-taped my mouth shut. This was very strange and it made it harder to breathe. I could taste the maple sweets a lot.
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| Eat for extra energy. |
"You had an episode and I had to get you some new clothes and this is all we had. We also had to tie you to the chair so you wouldn't hurt yourself. The candy is because we determined you had low blood sugar."
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| Explain all this to me again! |
So I had a reaction to the vaccine? I thought to myself.
"Your majesty!" he suddenly screamed and charged at me.
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| Your majesty! |
He punched me in the face hard and I fell back in the chair and smashed my head and blacked-out.
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| Doctor PUNCH! (Yes, I used shutterstock.) |
I woke up with him in what seemed to be a metal silo half buried up to my chest. He was also there with me buried up to his chest as well. Our arms were free but he was a good 10 feet away from me. Looking up I could see the bright white cloudy sky. Coming to my senses, I could see that we were buried in what seemed to be various cookies.
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| Bane-vision. |
"What... What is this? What's going on?! Why did you punch me?"
"Oh, sir, I'm so sorry but I just had to!"
"What? WHY?"
"The King of Denmark!"
"What? King of Denmark?"
"Yes."
Silence.. I wasn't sure I wanted to pursue this further and I began climbing out to get on top of the cookies. I think they were Chips Ahoy mostly.
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| Help, I'm all in cookies! |
"Why are we in here? Did you do this?"
"What? Me? No! The King of Denmark!" as he pulled himself out.
"What are you talking about? This is America. The King of Denmark isn't here. He's dead. Denmark only has a queen! Are you nuts?"
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| Royalty. |
"How do you feel after the vaccine? It's been 2 days now."
"Two days?!!"
"Do you feel fatigue or can you not smell? Do you have a headache?"
"What.. um.. no. I think I feel okay. Er.. why are we in this vat of cookies?"
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| So many cookies. |
He ran across the cookies and tackled me, "We have to get out of here fast!"
We both smashed down onto the cookies and I shoved him off me.
He started trying to climb up the side of the silo to no avail making whimpering noises. I noticed I was back in my own clothes again and was thoroughly confused. My wallet was missing.
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| I gotta get outta here! |
"Hey, my wallet is missing!"
"Oh, yeah, when you had your episode we had to check your ID. It's in the office."
"What office?" I demanded.
"Kitty kitty kitty!" he charged towards me fast but I side-stepped in time.
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| Meow, mutherf*cker. |
"Okay, enough is enough!" I countered. "What sort of prank is this? Am I on video?" as I looked around with scrutiny at my surroundings for any cameras (there were none).
"Look, you need your second shot, buck-o." he said.
I grabbed the vial and it said, "Sugar Place B zero" on the bottle.
"Just drink it." he said. I did and it tasted sweet.
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| Down the hatch! |
"Okay" he said, "It'll take 2 more weeks and you should be good."
"How do we get out of here?" I insisted.
"Well, we just use this." and he showed me his phone and sucker-punched me and I blacked out.
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| Welcome my son, to the machine. |
Next thing I knew I woke up in the dumpster in the back of a 7-11 wearing the lederhosen again, this time with a Marilyn Monroe wig stitches on my back and a note taped to my chest that said, "Call 911".
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| Collapsed from the shot. |
Ah, Colorado Health System! You guys! Tsk.
Honestly, it all went fine. Fatigue lasts for weeks though. Everyone should get inoculated as soon as possible. Everyone should stay home until then. Just because the government says you can go out and party doesn't mean you should be stupid and die.
Here's an Oktoberfest chippy for your patience.
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| Drink up, kids! |
OUT!
