The tree was about 10 feet tall, give or take. No leaves were sprouting from it yet, just hateful thorns ready to grasp and bite like some arboreal Cenobite demon. I journeyed to Lowe's (the Pepsi to Home Depot's Coke) and got a small, electric-powered 1.5 Hp chainsaw. It still required chain-oil in a rather small reservoir so I also purchased the chain oil and filled it (though surprised it filled after about a shot-glass' worth and overfilled it a tiny bit, having to dump it into my spent motorcycle oil pan still 1/2 full because I haven't taken to AutoZone for disposal). I tied the electric cord square-knotted and pressed the release-button and then the trigger. Rather loud for a 18" chained blade!
So okay, I take a knee and get at the beast's three necks lumberjack-style:
I didn't want to be a barber, I wanted to be a lumberjack!
The chainsaw's performance is not elegant by any means. I thought, like woodshop class back in 1982 it'd be like perhaps a Skill-saw or a band-saw, intense but smooth. Not so with the chain-saw! Nope! No-sir-ee! It explodes wood-chips every which way violently. This is no light-saber. It's more like a continuously-exploding grenade on a stick. BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM! Shrapnel shooting like Katy Perry brazier fireworks the chainsaw is nothing but pure chaos. It's more chaotic-neutral than a redhead. It's .. chaotic-chaotic!
Screaming like a RC car it bludgeons through each of the necks, pausing only for more pressure by me as if to tell the small Fizgig of a beast that it's okay to eat. Like CookieMonster it does, like some tasmanian-devil-wolverine hybrid on PCP it obliterates and I fell the tree (some of the branches getting a last-attack on my face-breast-chest-neck-head area) leaving three 3" thick stumps.
Becky finishes the deed with giant hedgers, breaking down the parts as I fetch bags to barely contain the thorn demon branches. Mission accomplished.
Still, it's disappointing the chainsaw, even this tiny one, because it is so aggressively explosive and insane. It's a bit intimidating too, like unleashing mini-hell-hounds, well, hell-chihuahuas at the target. Merciless and bitingly mad. So my first experience as a home-owner with a chainsaw is surprising due to it's extreme violence and what with the pieces all exploding around. Luckily I wore safety goggles. I wasn't going to, then I considered one of my carbon-fiber motorcycle helmets for protection. I think that would have made a better choice.
Really good article. Thanks for taking the time to explain things in such great detail in a way that is easy to understand.
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