Hocus Pope-us!

 So many of you know I'm an expert.  Those of you who read and try to translate prophesies know of the great prophesy of St. Malachy's The Prophesy of the Popes in 1139AD.  I had read and studied it about 25 years ago, give or take, so I'm a little late to the party.  If you don't know about this, it's okay, I'll tell you about it, because I'm an expert in things, as bards often are.  Let me rock you a tale to tell the Tell of the 'Poccyclipse and Mr. and Mrs. Walker and tell it True.

Insert awesome rockin'-out tune here.



  So Saint Malachy had visions of all of the Catholic Popes to be in-charge (as Popes do) from 1139 AD onward per request of the current Pope.  Now visions don't come easy, and a biography of him in 1539 did not ever mention this.  It is rumored that good 'ol Nostradamus wrote these instead and only said St.Malachy did so as not to be burned at the stake for witchcraft.  I suspect Nostradamus was quite possibly a Time Traveler and has been nearly 100% accurate on all his prophesies.  Seriously, his quatrains were uncanny.

Nostradamus?!

   Now before I continue further, I really despise the Bible Code, the DaVinci Code, and all that other crap. There was no Book of Yadda Yadda in the Apocrypha that was legit, like the Book of Mary or Judas. Just poppycock.

  So anyway, the list goes as such that each Pope is named as his taken name (not his actual real name, the Christian name is decided after-the-fact, such that John Paul II was actually named Karol Wojtyla until he became Pope, in which point he gets to choose.  I think several good names such as Pope Voltron, Pope Ming the Merciless, or Pope Bob might be pretty good, or Pope C3PO, Pope Freddy Mercury, or Pope GayLord McFaggyPants might work.) and a little Latin blurb is mentioned next to each one with the crest drawn-in nicely.  The list is here:  LIST OF POPE PROPHESY.  All 111 Popes are listed, impressively.  Click the link, I'll wait.  I won't list it here cuz' it's LOOOONG.

Pope Guido Sarduci

  Now what's interesting about all this was that when I was reading about this, Pope John Paul II was in power and Benedict XVI was not even remotely considered.  Indeed, Joe Ratzinger changed his name as Popes do when Pope'd to "Benedict" (the XVI makes him the 16th Pope to take that name) so there was no telling that "Benedict" was going to be chosen in accordance with the Prophesy of St.Malachy (or Nostradamus).

St.Malachy

  All the Popes, to include the Anti-Popes (yes there were a few in power!) were named and listed correctly.

  That.... is interesting.

Pazuzu from The Exorcist

  What's MORE interestinglier is the times the Popes were to be in-power were also listed, and also correct, though a bit more vague.  The Prophesy indicated that our current Pope Benedict XVI would only be a Pope for a short time, under 8 years.  Turns out, dead-on right.  Pope Benedict XVI just stepped down, which hasn't happened in 600 years!  Usually Popes just pass-on and die (like a king) before a new one is chosen!  This creates quite a hubub in the Catholic Church.

  What's MOST interestingliestier is that there is only ONE MORE POPE, a 112th FINAL POPE, though not officially.  Pope 112 is only Pope possibly for a few weeks as a "short time" as a temporary bishop in-place named, Pope Peter Romanus which begins the End of Times, the destruction of the Catholic Church, and great devastation on Earth within 1 year.  (Oh no, not another Doomsday Prophesy).  Well, it's an end to something.  That's right.  This next semi-Pope is THE FINAL POPE OF ALL TIME (and only for a few months at most).

This could actually be the future Pope Peter Romanus!!!

  There's a few concerns about this.  Some say the final Pope is Satan himself, or perhaps Stan Himself, not sure.

Satan Pope the Stan (embarrassingly at a gay-pride parade)

  Now one could argue, well since the Catholic Church knew the list since 1139 AD, the new Popes could just take-on the next name in the list so it'd be cool.  Okay, yeah, but for 900 years they did this?  All of 'em?  Maybe.  Sure, it could be a conspiracy.. maybe...

    Not Catholic?  Don't care?  Well then.  That's just fine, but there's a little bit of a problem, as I'll quote from another prophet on this matter, St.Hildegard:

The time is coming when princes and peoples will reject the authority of the Pope. Some countries will prefer their own Church rulers to the Pope. The German Empire will be divided.

Before the comet comes, many nations, the good excepted, will be scourged by want and famine. The great nation in the ocean that is inhabited by people of different tribes and descent will be devastated by earthquake, storm, and tidal wave. It will be divided and, in great part, submerged. That nation will also have many misfortunes at sea and lose its colonies.

[After the] great Comet, the great nation will be devastated by earthquakes, storms, and great waves of water, causing much want and plagues. The ocean will also flood many other countries, so that all coastal cities will live in fear, with many destroyed.

All sea coast cities will be fearful, and many of them will be destroyed by tidal waves, and most living creatures will be killed, and even those who escape will die from a horrible disease. For in none of those cities does a person live according to the Laws of God.

A powerful wind will rise in the North, carrying heavy fog and the densest dust, and it will fill their throats and eyes so that they will cease their butchery and be stricken with a great fear.

You can read the whole darn thing here:  St.Hildegard's Chastisement of the Catholic Church Prophesy

Interestingly, both Pope John Paul II (who was pretty cool btw) and Benedictine XVI have been asked about this prophesy, and very frighteningly, this is what they said (they call it the Third Secret of Fatima).  It's totality of the Fatima is very highly classified within the Catholic Church's vaults:

Germany asked John Paul II in 1980 if the Third Secret of Fatima contained
a threat from God, the Pope responded:

     "If there is a message in which it is said that the oceans will 
     flood entire sections of the earth; that, from one moment to the
     other, millions of people will perish . . . there is no longer
     any point in really wanting to publish this secret message.

     Many want to know merely out of curiosity, or because of their
     taste for sensationalism, but they forget that "to know" implies
     for them a responsibility. It is dangerous to want to satisfy
     one's curiosity only, if one is convinced that we can do nothing
     against a catastrophe that has been predicted....

     (At this point the Holy Father took hold of his Rosary and
     said:) Here is the remedy against all evil! Pray, pray and ask
     for nothing else.  Put everything in the hands of the Mother of
     God!"
     John Paul II's reply seemed to imply that a threat of flood is part
of the Third Secret of Fatima.

     Later, Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger admitted in an interview with
journalist, Vittorio Messori, that he had read the Third Secret of Fatima.
Messori then tells how he questioned the Cardinal about the "secret":

     "Undenied versions are circulating in the world, I continue,
     which describe the contents of that "secret" as disquieting,
     apocalyptic, as warning of terrible sufferings. John Paul II
     himself, in his personal visit to Germany, seemed to confirm
     (albeit with prudent circumlocutions, privately, to a select
     group) the undeniably disconcerting contents of that text.
     Before him, Paul VI, during his pilgrimage to Fatima, also seems
     to have alluded to the "apocalyptic" themes of the "secret." Why
     was it never decided to make it public, if only to counter rash
     speculations?"

     Cardinal Ratzinger's critical response, that revealing the Third Secret would
add nothing necessary for the Christian to know and that it "would mean
exposing the Church to the danger of sensationalism, exploitation of the
content," also seemed to "confirm (albeit with prudent circumlocutions)"
that the contents of the Third Secret of Fatima DID INDEED contain those
"disconcerting" messages.

  If you want to read more about other Saints and their prophesies, go here:  MORE.  The complete Third Fatima has not been revealed.  The first two were involving the first and second World Wars before they actually happened.  The last one involves a section about Armageddon.

  Ah, so we have this comet thingy to contend with, so I did a little research for you Apple-user types.  NASA.gov shows that there's a comet ISON with a name of C/2012 S1 "ISON" (from Russia's International Scientific Optic Network) that will be the brightest and largest comet display for Earth since the 1600's and will reach us around October 2013.  This is science, not prophesy bullshit.  It's a bit of a crapshoot as to how LARGE ISON will be, or it's magnitude in the sky.  It's assumed to have a negative magnitude, so about as bright as a half-moon at the very least.

  Currently, ISON is about 5 AU away and is moving QUICKLY.  I think it's near Mars now. Watch the NASA.gov video here:

http://www.nasa.gov/mission_pages/asteroids/news/asteroid20130205.html

  It was only discovered a few weeks ago.  It's quite large.  If you play on ISON C/2012S1 a little, for fun, you can get this result:

C/2012 S1      [make the / a one, because it looks like a one, don't it?]
C 12012 S1    [now put S1 into a mirror...of eeevil...]
C 12012 12    [make 0 nothing because, well,  zero is nothing]
C 12 12 12     [If C means divide by 2 then the result is...]
    6    6   6      [just sayin'..]

  So.. what are we supposed to do?  Well, not much, really.  No Vogon Constructor Fleet, though I'd grab an Electronic Thumb to hitch a ride just in case.  The Comet ISON will actually miss us quite a bit, though the tail might have a lot of dust in it, and we might go through the debris in-orbit, the amount of debris created with Sol in its maximum solar cycle might be intense, depending on solar-flare activity at the time.  I'm all talking Space Weather here, which I'm more of an expert on.  So, well, Don't Panic, for one.  This whole Pope business is gonna get everyone worked-up in the next few weeks for sure, screaming Doomsday and I suspect a few people will dig-up old Tripod, Angelfire, and GeoCities early '90s websites and scour Wikipedia for information, building new Doomsday websites for all to enjoy and creating mass-panic.  So .. don't .. panic.  Don't dump your stocks.  Don't buy 100000 rounds of ammo.  Don't kill any bunnies.  Just.. don't .. panic.  That the Catholic Church is going to get its come-uppance is actually, to me, a good thing.  It needs its pee-pee whacked.  Becky commented, "Mabye finally the Church will give up all that gold and money it's hoarding to the poor like it should."  Nice one, and.. agreed. 

  Now if we all rock-out with guitars and other instruments, our powers combined might rock-out the comet and we'll be saved, and the Lord will grin, and we can rejoice in triumphant power, and hold the goblet of heavy Met-al aloft and win the day!

Until then...

I recommend this:

  Honestly, I hope all this doesn't come to pass, becuase I really want to buy and enjoy that new C7 Stingray Corvette!  Let's see how this turns out.  Pass the popcorn.