Linday and Casey getting married?!

America's two sweethearts are actually tying the knot in California next month.  Casey admits to being "date raped" and that's what caused her daughter's death, "I couldn't get to the trunk in-time!" she admits.  "I guess I left the chloroform bottle open."  Linday Lohan was available for telephone conference, "These things happen." she agrees.  "Why, just look at how I was treated when I walked out the door with that necklace in L.A.!  I didn't know I had it on!  It's the store's fault!"

Casey, who's pregnant again with an unknown father is planning on raising the child in a lesbian home.  "I plan on home-schooling her.  We plan on teaching her that God doesn't exist and that homosexuality is the real truth of things." Casey says, "but I need America's support.  Please donate to my website!"  Lindsay says, "The more money the better.  We need to make sure the brat is well fed."

When asked if she'd consider putting the baby up for adoption, Lindsay admits, "If some North Koreans are willing to dish-out the cash, I'd be willing to make a transaction, or at least a swap for some more heroin."  Casey is excited by the prospect, "I can make more babies if I need to.  I can just hit-up the clubs!
 



It is not disclosed as to who's taking who's surname.