For Fear of White Cars

 

Incognito white Dodge Chargers waiting to ruin someone's day

 
 What's with guys buying-up white cars that look just like cop cars of the same species?  Back in the '80s some people were buying white Ford LTDs and now folks are buying white Dodge Chargers, some with even an exterior hand-controlled spotlight near the driver's-side mirror!  These cop-posers gotta stop!   

Undercover white Dodge Charger with hidden police lights (jerk)

  So you're cruising around a bend when all of a sudden you see one of these white Dodge Chargers and you're like, "Oh CRAP!  My radar detector didn't go off!" and you're tempted to mash on the brakes, upsetting the chassis in an otherwise elegant, high-speed, mildly-drifting corner-sweep but you realize if you do you'll probably bite-it so you keep on it (this is for RWD folks, aka real humans, not the sheeple out there who think Toyota and Subaru make pretty good cars and think AWD is the bees-knees and wear sweater-vests and demand a large amount of cup-holders and don't know what a lateral-g is to save their lives).  Next thing you know, you see some punk-arse dude in a toody (a skin-tight hoodie, popular with the gays) lazily taking the bend in that cop-car-wannabe and you feel duped.  Worse still are security guard companies that do the same!  What are they trying to pull?

  I say there should be a law against these posers!  Those, cop-flavored jerks!  If you see a white cop-car that isn't a cop car, smash it with a baseball bat and pop its tires.  You have my permission!  As a matter of fact, do it with cop cars too.  All they seem to be able to do is either give you a ticket for going 5-over or come by the scene of a crime and look perplexed and write a useless report that's "filed" nowhere and does nothing for anybody except some demographics that are unused!

  Slash a cop's tires today!  NOW.

Comedian Tunes

 

Neil Hamburger the "unfunny" comedian who pushes comedic boundaries in the vein of Kaufman

 
So XM Radio has a quite decent selection of comedy channels, one of which is the newer Comedy Central based one (XM95) which features some slightly fresher material than RawDog (XM99).  Note* I recently edited the "Comedy Central" Wikipedia page to include XM 95 as a source as I'm an official super-user of Wikipedia, and generally awesome.

Larry "Wildman" Fischer, comedic genius.

  I enjoy the channel but XM seems to add a few comedic songs to the list.  Channel 160, Canada's "Laugh Attack"  is particularly guilty of this.  Now we all remember Alfred Matthew "Weird Al" Yankovic's offerings such as "Amish Paradise", "Yoda", and "Eat It", monkeying several pop-star offerings with his own pun-rich goofball lyrics fit for tween-humor.  Good fun.  Still, I find a lot of comedians delve into the hobby of making musical releases, and they shouldn't.  It's usually not good, though sometimes, like Chris Rock's "No Sex in the Champagne Room" was okay, I just don't feel these comedians should be littering XM stand-up comedic channels with their bold, misplaced attempts.

  A perfect venue for it was Dr. Demento's radio hour which started back in 1972 in Los Angeles, spinning as-old-as 1910's wax-cylinders and 78-rpm comedic tunes that were otherwise lost, such as "Big Rock Candy Mountain" (fairly recently revived in the movie Brother Where Art Thou?) as well as modern, hyper-obscure releases and honoring comedic madman Wild Man Fischer or Emo Philips whom otherwise wouldn't have gotten a leg-up.  I remember listening to Dr. Demento on FM radio (back when people still had that before the evil Clear Channel Communications utterly destroyed FM radio) back in 1981, starting with it's early-era 1960's Dr.Who-like trance-intro, Pico and Sepulveda..  I'd stay up after midnight with my Panasonic Auto-Reverse Cassette and radio player with my foamy headphones and listen for the hour, enduring the Trident chewing gum commercials in-between ("Who likes Trident, I do!")  This was a great venue for the Doctor, and it was all oddball songs from midnight to one AM.  Quirky and hidden, and only on some oddball channel right before sign-off and the National Anthem played (yeah, back in 1981, radio channels (and TV) would sign-off, play the National Anthem, and not broadcast until about 6am or so.)

Weird Al Yankovic on a keytar playing-up the uncool.

  When XM plays these out of nowhere, it's not something I want to hear.  It breaks-up the continuity of the stand-up work and it's out-of-place, unless the comedian specifically ONLY does music, then it's sort of okay.  I'd rather there be a Dr.Demento channel on XM that could handle this stuff.  We should spam-email XM to do this and give Barry Hansen (the Dr.) his due props since his last airing was in 2011.  Let's give him a new home instead of Nowhereville with a 1994 website!  We still love you, Doctor!  Pico and Sepulveda forever!

Comedian Jim Gaffigan in an infinite loop of himself.

Hostess is Back!

Gerry B. told by the Queen of England he can eat a lifetime supply of Twinkies from this day forth!

  
   So the company "Hostess" filed bankruptcy November of 2012 and henceforth stopped producing such items as Wonder Bread, Twinkies, and sub-companies from "Little Miss Debbie Cakes" as well as "Drake's Cakes" and all those pastry confectionaries.  Yesterday, Apollo Global Management restarted "Hostess Brands" and released both Twinkies and Hostess Cupcakes at WalMart.

The original Wu-Tang-Klan: Captain Cupcake, Twinkie the Kid, Happy Hoho and Fruit Pie the MuthaF*cka Magician

  As a review, I saved the last box of Twinkies in my deep freezer from November 2012 so I can do a comparison.  Firstly, the new Twinkie is about 10% smaller and has more "filling" than before, though the taste is arguably fresher, either by insane demand and immediate purchase, or that my older Twinkie was getting stale (though in its wrapper in the freezer and carefully and slowly thawed). 



Some of the Hostess cakes mascots: Twinkie the Kid, King Dong (yep), Fruit Pie the Magician, Chief Big Wheels (later replaced with King Dong), Chauncy Chocodile, Happy Ho Ho, Captain Cupcake.

   Taste is good with a very slight more vanilla taste.  Very subtle increase.  Cream "filling" is not as fluffy as, say, a Suzie Q from the 1970's which was almost a whipped froth but very similar to a late 1980's Twinkie with a good amount of higher-quality fluff.  Texture is about perfect, not too soft or too dense, which sometimes happens at gas stations' Hostess display shelves.  I'd say the preservatives were backed-off a small amount.

  The Hostess Cupcake is more of a change, at about 20% smaller, much much stronger cocoa flavor to the point of nearly dark chocolate and espresso.  It's as if the flavor was left inside the compressed cake with a chocolate flavor overpowering explosion.. in your mouth.

 

 

                                                                                                 

  Waxy "frosting" is a little more gritty but also less plastic and more creamy, possibly due to it's relatively extreme freshness due to its immediate release today.  Cream "filling" seems to be the same as the Twinkie with a good amount of higher-quality fluff and texture than before.  I don't think the Twinkie and the Hostess Cupcake shared the same cream filling exactly before, but they do now.  I suspect the formulas were nearly identical but not of the same batch but it tastes like they are now for some reason.

Captain Cupcake not knowing his friend Twinkie the Kid is secretly gay.  Kid isn't sure if he should tell the Captain due to the 1980's "Don't Ask Don't Tell" policy.  In 2015, gays will be hunted for their pelts by proclamation of the Pope.  Fact.

  For those that liked Hostess cakes before, I suspect they'll be pretty satisfied.  I have a discriminating palate and the changes are subtle enough such that most people won't notice except the die-hard fan-extremists.  I myself am being quite scrutinous and find them pretty darn acceptable and barely different at all.  I'd say a 99.5% match except for the slightly smaller size (again only a  tiny bit smaller) but it could have been just my batch.





The 2012 Twinkie the Kid was getting pretty Brokeback Mountain gay towards the end of his life.

  The 1971 Twinkie the Kid cowboy, as well as Captain Cupcake characters are long gone, perhaps on some magical adventure involving Luffy D. Monkey from One Piece, dealing with monsters from the Grand Line, or are fighting Lord Vader, I'm not sure.