Saturday, September 1, 2012

YouTube Ads


Jenette Goldstein facing YouTube monetization advertising, "When's this video gonna start?!"

  My God, they're everywhere.  They're everywhere like Vasquez dealing with aliens everywhere.  Just won't stop.  Some thought it'd be a good idea to "monetize" their YouTube posting, maybe make a few bucks based on popularity.  Why, some people get several million hits!  Why, even I could be a millionaire!   God bless America!!!  Nope.  Sorry.  Ain't gonna happen.  The most successful of the YouTube posters who's viewers were in the tens of millions made only a few hundred bucks; people like postings of Cinemasacre (aka The Angry Video Game Nerd) and the makers of the wildly popular Chad Vader of BlameSocietyFilms can't even afford to keep the show running without pledge drives.  Worse still are the sycophants that copy-paste their works and then monetize them for their own gain who aren't the original posters.   Pathetic, these town-criers who have not an ounce of creativity themselves, empty and desperate for money. 

Chad Vader Dayshift Manager inappropriately asking an employee out on a dinner-date

  No, there's no money there.  Even anti-bard Rebecca Black who had an amazing ability to sing off-key through her nose and insisting she has to "Go down stairs, gotta have her bowl, gotta have her cereal." (which is interesting that the bowl is separated from the cereal portion, suggesting a "bowl" could be anything from medieval blood-letting barbering to drugs) of the song Friday, despite its notoriety in the extreme did not crack a thousand bucks.  Granted, YouTube did pave her way for other shady avenues to include suspicious record contracts, lewd suitors, death threats, and immortalized in Musak on elevators at the Aria Hotel in Las Vegas.  Sadly, she did not write the song, nor owns any of that money.  The originators of the song, Ark Music Factory, was excited about this, however, and did well by it.  Through sponsors she was eventually able to start her own record label.  She is doing surprisingly well for such a horrid horrid musician, promising an album of her to come out (yeah, she's using her own record label to make records).  The anti-bard, indeed.

The Anti-Bard
  Despite all of this, YouTube's "monetization" doesn't work.  At first, it was annoying little ads on the bottom.  One could click away the quarter-of-a-screen horizontal ad by maneuvering the mouse to the tiny tiny "X" to make it go away.  You'd have to be careful not to actually click the ad, though, or your viewing would be interupted by ads, "Oh, you actually came here to watch a commercial!  I'm so excited you are enthralled by our advertising!  Please, allow me to show you how clever we are by putting interesting commercials in your face-head."  No.  No sir, I don't like it.  No one was clicking these ads except by mistake to make them go away.. or so I thought.  Turns out, some guys at work grudgingly admitted they were clicking a few if they were relevant.  NOooo!  This only feeds the fire!  It's like having a small cockroach infestation in your house and occasionally feeding them!  They'll grow and multiply as now there's a percentage of success!  It only feeds the fire!  Sigh.  Doom.

Why we suffer, yet age has no limit.  Your co-worker is just as to blame.

  Eventually, more evil monetizations would be at the beginning of vids.  You'd have to wait 15 seconds for car or insurance commercials to play through.  Far more aggravating, everyone agrees.  These commercials are getting longer and longer, some over a minute and a half.  Currently, political ads are insane.  Now, I'm registered as an Independent.  Reason being, I want an economically conservative government (careful with that tax-money, Washington) however I'm socially liberal (I don't really care what people do with their lives, just so long is my house isn't blown-up or granny down-the-street gets eaten by Religious Cannibals of Satan's Church [dot org]).  Since I'm a space-mercenary, and currently working for the DoD this time around, I am pretty focused on any party that will fund the DoD so that 1. My job is funded and therefore not cancelled, and 2) I get a raise eventually (I just got a 2% pay cut this month, thanks to Obama).  Now Obama wants to cut our missile-defense program almost completely.  If I vote for him, I vote myself out of a job, so I cannot.  Despite his used-car-salesman approach of smiles and promises (they all do) his track record is pretty poor on an economic factor so that's one strike against him, though he gets a half a point for being socially liberal, he hasn't done anything about that yet, so no full point.  Still, the ads are just too much, speaking half-truths on both sides.  Typical games.

Political claymation of : I Go Pogo on VHS

  We're tired of it, YouTube.  We don't want all the ads.  Still, it's not YouTube's fault.  It's the posters.  Yep, those that post vids allow it.   It's not automatic.  There's a button you can click ON to "monetize" your video.  A few options next to that to make it either more painful, or most painfullier.  Seems not a big deal to the person posting the vid, but it's a big deal to Planet Earth.   It seems cheap, especially when your first monetization check you get in the mail is for 16 cents but you harassed 100k humans (and one or two smart Siamese cats browsing the web, and maybe one guy trying to dial 911 but got to your YouTube video instead).  STOP MONETIZING YOUR VIDEOS!  It's trite, desperate, and sad.  The amount of return is pathetic, and no one is purposely clicking the ads, which is the only way you'll get a credit for it.  Well, when I say no one, there are frack-tards that do who have no intention of learning more about a biased political ad or new Dodge car with what advertisers think is trendy music.

Yeah, you want this car!  Look, we have a minority with a sweater! 

  So, firstly, we STOP MONETIZING.  Secondly, we ELIMINATE ADVERTISERS by way of robots with guns.  Finally, we buy products by WORD-OF-MOUTH based on imperical quality. 

A rather messy way to drink IHOP's boysenberry syrups

  Has anyone noticed anything really good never gets an ad?  Ever see a Porsche Boxter or Chevrolet Corvette get a lot of ads?  How about Jamaican Blue Mountain Coffee or Samsung computer monitors?  I can't remember the last Mountain Dew commercial, what, was it 1977?  What about Macallan 30-year scotch or RitterSport candy bars?  Nope.  It's because they're good.  When something is advertised, it's a sure-fire bet that it's shite.  Now, you might buy it because you're down-on-your-luck or don't know any better, but after a few hot steaming cups of whatever and you know it's bad-news.
  When I see ads, I see a cry of desperation.  Recently, Dodge is pushing the Dart as they did back in the early '70s, but you don't see SRT8 commercials because IT'S ALREADY A QUALITY PRODUCT (click this one, Dave). 

An example of a flawed product ingesting a not-flawed product.  Yeah, she's messed-up in the brain-head.

  The only way to stop this insanity is to stop responding to it, then the advertisers move elsewhere.  If you eliminate food completely in a house, the cockroaches leave the sterilized area.  Remember telemarketers on the phones?  Almost completely gone now due to the harsh ignoring we all did, and great job, human race, on that one.  Now we need to NOT click the advertisements on the inter-webs, kiddies.  Often, Java-based code has embedded virus in them anyway, which made new users of Microsoft products suddenly hate Windows because they were clicking the funny bouncy monkey game and inadvertently installing a dozen virus foolishly.  Apple's next as apps become more corrupt.  Please do not click the advertisements!

Ain't it the truth, Walt Kelly.

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