Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Blackened Forest

$1,700,000 home caught fire due to it being so damn expensive.

   The northern, very affluent area of Colorado Springs, about 30 miles north of me is the sub-municipality of Black Forest (now officially renamed "Blackened Forest" by one Crazy Cajun, with a population of 13,000 with an average median income of $160,000 per-family.  They are known for being that "hippie-wealthy" type, you know, the hyper-liberal who are in Boulder, CO who can afford to go to Whole Foods all the time and spend 10x the cost for a pound of tofu and drive Mercedes (and have several of them)?

  Well, they're known to gallivant like The Wicker Man and build bonfires and cavort about, hippie-style throwing $100 bills into tax-evasion pits while praying to pagan gods without a care in the world (just like Boulder), sneering at us lowly Fountain-ites like the peasant class, and now.. it's burning ablaze.

The Broadmoor, several miles south of the Black Forest fire.  Meals cost $500 a plate.

   Oh no!  The super-hyperspace-wealthy 0.0000001%'ers are on fire!  Some of the houses are over 20,000 sq.ft. and are burning-up.  Luckily, they're all escaping to The Broadmoor where they can enjoy lowly $500/a-plate dining and $1000-a-nite rooms, which is nice.

  Says one 2012 Waldo Canon Fire victim, "Money money money money money.  Dey gots it.  We thought we were hyper-rich but maaaaannnn, dey gots da DOUGH!  M-U-N-N-Y!"


  I'm so worried about them.  Hopefully we can collect enough money to have them enjoy some basic accommodations with steak tar-tar and caviar, pre-chewed and spit into their mouths like baby birds.

  On a darker note, the fire spread out to the grasslands of Peyton towards Falcon and .. well, there's not very wealthy folks there.  Luckily grass fires burn quickly and rarely destroy homes, so.. I guess there's that.  Evacuations of the normal-class society is suggested but not required.  Let's hope the sins of the rich don't affect us normal humans to the east. 


On a happier note, I live way down south of that by a long stretch where we stand on our rooftops and wonder what evils they've accumulated to the north to suffer so, and we watch helicopters dumping $1000 bills on the fire to put it out.  Says one family, "We didn't know what to do when our already pre-paid $10B house was destroyed!  We only had $900Q left!  Thankfully, suckers donated $20B to us for a new empire-estate, and we could buy new slaves to run it!  That and the insurance money we collected will allow us to buy Idaho, bitches!"

  So if you're going to donate money to them, just send the $$$ to me.  It'll be better well-spent, or just send it to Casey Anthony.


  1. I read an article today that said something along the lines of, "People are moving to more fire prone areas than ever." I don't know about you, but if I was going to buy a mansion, I probably wouldn't buy it in a fire prone area. Just like I wouldn't buy a house in tornado alley.

    Nothing makes me shake my head more than watching someone move into a blatantly fire prone area, then their house burns down and they say, "It just came out of nowhere! How did this happen to ME?"

    1. Funny you should say that, I was thinking the same thing. Still, some folks get "black hole" syndrome, where they grew up in a location (like the deep swamps of Louisiana, or such) and never leave because that's all they know ala "What's Eating Gilbert Grape". Still, it's what house insurance is for, which is mandatory, as is now car and health insurance. Eventually, we'll have an "everything" insurance that will just suck the money right out of all of us, and we'll have no actual paycheck. Case-in-point, my out-of-pocket cost for a teeth-cleaning at my local dentist "with" insurance is $680 somehow (they're not bad at all, just a "deep root" cleaning). Without insurance was $120. Huh???