Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Some People's Kids


  Recently went to see X-Men: Days of Future Past, which was quite good, particularly with the character "Mystique" and her political-espionage background as well as the unspoken combat scenes towards the end with glances to show understanding because by that point they've been battling as allies against the Sentinels for so long they just know what to do, and, course, Kitty Pryde sticks with it 'till the end to the very last moment, do-or-die, which I just love.  All-in-all, probably the best movie of this year if you're a fan of the comic story-arc like I was, with decent acting and dialogue and a storyline not quite too complex that you'll get vertigo despite complex undertones and subtext.

Kitty Pryde and Bishop in the future world

  Went to see the movie very early at about 10am to avoid the crowds and got my "coffee and popcorn" setup my local theater offers.  Pleasant, and you're day isn't over once the movie is.  Just in time for lunch.  There was, though, something that bothered me.  A mom brought 6 kids, all under the age of 6.

"X-Men hate Kryptonite!!!"  That's right, 2nd kid from the left.. that's right...

  First-off, the film had male nudity.  In 1969, Midnight Cowboy had a very similar scene and a nod to that Academy Award starring Jon Voight and Dustin Hoffman which included Hugh Jackman's butt as he looks out the window.  I won't include the scene shot but it was pretty scene-for-scene there, though his character, "Wolverine" was placed in a timeframe of 1973 instead of 1969.  Close enough.  Midnight Cowboy earned an MPAA Rating of "X" back in 1969 because of this.  The official X Rating has since been dissolved in 1990 but included Fritz the Cat, A Clockwork Orange, The Evil Dead (interestingly), Robocop, and Schwarzenegger's Total Recall (notoriously the last film to receive the X Rating, check out the Criterion Edition) and to my amusement, we've seen the last two listed at work.  In 1990, the NC-17 Rating took its place, starting in the US with The Color of Night starring Bruce Willis (not a great film if I remember).  On a side-note, there were no official XX nor XXX Ratings, though the adult-film industry played on this pseudo-rating to attract attention to good, mysterious effect. 

Jon Voight in the Academy Award winning, Midnight Cowboy (1969)

  Often, the X Rating was non-sexual in nature, usually due to gore or violence, the NC-17 Rating replacing it stands for, "No Children under 17".  Understandable.  Most often than not, many films release "Unrated" versions on Bluray instead of NC-17 to be able to sell them at WalMart to avoid stigma, but if you go to the heart of it, yep, it's freakin' Rated X.  Here's a list for you cinemaphiles on Wiki (click the link).

Partial X-Rated scene from Robocop (1987): victim melting from nuclear waste barrel dumped on him.  I saw this rare version in the theaters when I was 17.

Oh, well hello there!

 X-Men: Days of Future Past could indeed receive a current MPAA Rating of NC-17 (aka Rated X) thanks to Hugh Jackman's butt and director Bryan Singer.  This is therefore not a kid's film by any means.  There's a lot of dialogue and not too much action except when peppered and needed and, like in real life, rather short (if you get punched in the freakin' face, you're going down down down).

Hale Berry as "Storm" in X-Men: Days of Future Past (2014).  Yeah, your 8-year-old kid needs to see that.  Riiiiight.

Duh DUY duh duh!  Mother noddingly approves.
  The 6 kids were unimpressed by Brian Singer's directing and responded as such: they ran up and down the aisles and threw food and sang songs and screamed quite a bit like a retard (pronounced, reh'TARd) in all good-taste.  Ahem.  Doy DOY doy doy!  This was rather distracting in an almost gloriously empty theater, perhaps 20 of us in all.  The mom thought it'd be a good idea to have them wear 1990's blinky-lights shoes, though counter-culture and edgy-cool in some ways, like Velcro-straps, it was a bit distracting as they bombarded our senses with ambivalent sonic and optical cruelty.  Dad was nowhere to be found.  Nice.

F*ck you, Mike Cronis!
  I'm guessing the mom thought (wrongly) that this would be a good film for kids.  The mom is obviously retarded, not researching Chris Claremont's 1981 opus story-arc.  I hate that.  Parents just take their kids to anything without realizing what sort of permanent impact it's going to make.  When I saw Star Wars in the winter of 1978 I was floored at age 8.  If I had seen The Exorcist I'd still be in therapy.  Why do parents not do the research?  Why don't they give a flying frack?  Are parents that lazy?

  It's frustrating that even though the film got a PG-13 Rating, "Parents strongly cautioned against children watching under the age of 13" people still go with infants.  I wonder how parents were when they took their children to see Watchmen (2009)?  Full-frontal nudity in that one, and a droll, unimpressive story quite over-rated.  I'm not sure why that one got such popularity.  Probably the same reason it was nuveu-edgy for the comic's time in the same way comedians resorted to shock-value comedy as a cheap way to get revenue (some to blame who "sold out" were George Carlin, Andrew "Dice" Clay, and Sam Kinison). 

There's something more going on here I think...

  My parents were cautious enough for a male pre-teen to make sure I wasn't watching anything that would be too shocking for me to deal with, and honestly, I think that's a responsible and good idea, though I have to admit their purchasing of HBO in the late '70s exposed me to some rather graphic cartoons, such as Bakshi's Lord of the Rings and Richard Adams' Watership Down, it wasn't too heavy for me to cope with at age 8 or so.  Honestly, a must-watch.


  So, if you have young'uns, good for you.  Something convinced you that would be a good idea, be it in your DNA or whatever, fine.  I like kids just fine.  I chose to embrace Life fuller instead, and that's my choice, and not a bad thing.  It just .. is.  I'm very happy with my choice and having a good time.  I recently bought a Can-Am Spyder RS-S and it's a blast.  A lot like a snowmobile (or jetski) with wheels.  Great gas mileage and plenty fast.  I don't judge you, you don't judge me.  Fine.  .. However... if your kids are poster-children for Asperger's Syndrome (lack of social ability) or just plain out-of-control (you know who you are) then please don't take 'em to the movies, especially one as serious as X-Men.  Sheesh. 

By deciding to not have kids I would be negligent in not enjoying Life to the fullest!

Now, I'm a big fan of taking under-8-year-olds to see a Pixar film or something Disney.  If kids are a bit riled-up, well.. I'm on their turf now.  I can't and shouldn't complain.  Indeed, I should run around all crazy too.  Why not?  Naked?  Er... no.  If the film's for kids under 10, then sure, there'll be some kids.  Fine.  However... DO NOT take your infant to any film, ever.  Pointless and annoying.  What are you thinking?  Or worse still, what are you not thinking?  At best, loud noise will damage baby's eardrums, at worst, the imagery, if remembered, will settle itself deep into that medulla-oblongata and mess that kid up for life.  Just because you can't remember anything before age 10 doesn't mean everybody can't.  I can remember age 3 pretty clearly, and perhaps a bit more before that in parts.  Seeing someone get shot in the head?  You want a potential psychopath for a kid?  Well guess what, frack-tards!   (My first film I saw when I was about 4:)


 So.. my advise is to get a babysitter or wait for it to show up on Netflix, Hulu, Redbox, or just plain, free over-the-air TV (like I get in HD from Cheyenne Mountain).  Stop polluting America with your seed-spawn demon-failures.  Everyone thinks you're a bad parent and I think it should be a misdemeanor crime of $500 and/or 5 days in jail.  Tame your kids, your pets, etc.  It's the law, and you're ruining Life for everyone.  Jerks.


No comments:

Post a Comment