Friday, April 12, 2013

North Korea Ching-ity Chowwww!

  So North Korean's Propaganda Machine has released a cool 1980's rockin' guitar video of them attacking us with nuclear weapons for some reason.  My being in this business makes me very happy to point out a few unfortunate inaccuracies.  Let's watch and enjoy!  (Please enjoy the Japanese guitar riffs, which is mildly ironic, since they're enemies):


  Wow, that's a super, rockin' out video!  Wow WEE!  (wailing on cool '80s guitar with Thundarr and Ookla the Mok and Princess Ariel on tambourine).

  Okay, so about a minute in, we are told Colorado Springs, Colorado is a primary target, though it's depicted about 1700 miles off in Louisiana.  The Californian target is pretty much right on the boarder around Tijuana, Mexico, so I guess the North Koreans are going to go to war with Mexico as well, so much for the famous hypothetical North Korean, Tibet, Mexican Alliance!  Aww.

  So if their missiles use GPS, we can just <CLASSIFIED ACTION> and then there's no guidance, not that we'd need to since the battle-planners can't figure where certain metropolitan cities are, or even come remotely close.  If they use Glonass (Russia's GPS) well, let's say it's not as reliable as they'd hope, and Putin might tickle himself silly by <OTHER CLASSIFIED ACTION> to his system, just for chaotic fun times.

  There is the mild concern that the range of their farthest missile (and least reliable) is about 2000 miles, about 6000 miles short of Colorado.  Woopsie.  Maybe a strong breeze might help, or if Kim Jong-un blows real hard (he's got big cheeks).  Maybe they could mail the whole missile to us with a lot of stamps?  Perhaps in a Trojan Rabbit?


  Ah, I'm looking forward to fighting this 1950's Technorrrogical Terror!  I wonder if he knows we have over 20 thousand 100 Megaton nukes aimed at his 11 inches of impoverished land?  Two nukes would make his country a wasteland for 100 years.  We have one nuke for every 6 square inches of space for him to enjoy, and love.  The warmth!  Think of the warmth!  Ah, the warm times.. for his tummy to have. 

Rest assured, all the Space community is "ON" it and, well, go back to playing and reviewing your video games and drinking your cheap booze.  We got this one.  Carry on.  It's ColorForms Fun!

OPTIC YUMMY!  Behold!  Optic BLAST! (versus Korea)

1 comment:

  1. Funniest/best post in a while, Michael.


    Chippiemunkies!!! (Daddy LIKE!)