Monday, January 28, 2013

3D is 2D

Double the action, double the terror, double the D's. (original tagline)
  There's been a plethora of "3D" movies out lately.  I remember in the '80s when it was cool to do that for about 6 or 7 years.  Movies in the '80s, such as The Destruction of Jared Syn, Jaws 3, and Nighmare on Elm Street 6, were not that great.  I suspect the hope of producers was that people were dumb and would be delighted with cool 3D effects like a ride at a theme park and ignore the storyline, character development (if any at all, then one-dimensional), plot holes, or basic premise.  Groanfull releases where a few scenes blatantly were there just for the sake of the 3D effects, like holding up a sword or throwing a ball, etc.  Watching these in 2D is laughable even more-so.  So weak are these 3D movies, that they're flat (except for Piranha 3DD, it only looses one number to 2DD) [smirk].

Oooh!  Claws jumping right out at me!
  I'd say the same goes for anything JJ Abrhams vomits up in the sense that "explosions are a plot" argument.  JJ, they are not, but I think mankind has devolved to belive it is so.  Avatar did remarkably well despite a "see how the other half lives" plot rehashed from Dances With Wolves and dozens others and it was a pile of steaming sauerkraut.  Watch it on a small screen in 2D and you'll not be tricked by false imagery.  Like the recent Star Trek film, the plot is empty and ridiculous and the characters are one-minded and one-themed.  Blah.  Oh, for only the days of the exact opposite such as 12 Angry Men.

I know a suspension of disbelief is necessary in movies but.. really?  Do we need this?  Is anyone buying into this?
  I watched The Artist recently and found it lacking in soul.  I wonder if the producers had ever seen anything besides The Great Dictator?  I'm enamoured by the attempt but it's no Dr.Calagari or The Tramp.  It weakly shadows great silent films like some whisper, as if a kid was given crayons to draw a Rembrandt.  Sigh.  It might appeal to those who are unaware of the transformation into talking movies but I found it lacking in heart.  I think America has lost its Mojo finally.

  Speaking of dictators, I watched The Dictator staring Sacha Cohen, and though Anna Faris did a surprisingly good job with what she was given, the movie was flat, and ended up as a Democratic Party platform equating the Republican Party with a dictatorship (even though the DNC gladly takes away human freedoms such as soda, guns, McDonald's Happy Meals (look it all up) etc. of which the RNC never has ever.  Ironic.  Some non-dictatorship, huh?  Because it's better for us?  Uh huh.)
  I saw The Amazing Spiderman (2012) and found it lacking in nobility, giving props back to Tobey Maguire's first Spiderman film (not the other two), though lost to the four Peter Parker movies of the '70s everyone forgets, which were still better.

  So maybe I'm a curmudgeon now?  Why can't I just enjoy movies?  Well, I do.  I even enjoy fast-food style movies like Joystick or The Green Lantern every now and then.  I'm no movie snob, but I do demand good acting.  Heck, even The Sitter had some good acting in it and a plausible plotline, but I can't deal with all these kids loving Transformers 3, putting it as the movie above all movies. 

  Ugh.  A matter of taste, truly.  I shouldn't be bothered with it.  Sometimes Mac n' Cheese is really good over Steak Tar-Tar.  Sometimes Jack In The Box coffee is better than imported rare beans.  It just feels like America is devolving into a stupiduh, drooooling mass.  George Romero got it right with Dawn of the Dead in the malls.  Sigh.  Half America voted for more decay, and illegal drugs are now legal.  Give them bread and circuses I guess.  Idiocracy here we come.


  1. Yay! We lost.

    The more things change, the more they stay the same.


  2. I too enjoy "pleasant urging". Is all urging pleasant, such as pee-needs? Those are urges of another horse color, yet I can get UK bad credit loans for urgings? I are win!