Monday, July 18, 2016

Sony Pays for Positive Ghostbuster Reviews


  So the second worst movie of all-time-and-space just came out a bit ago,  Ghostbusters 2016: The Motion Picture.  The original had a very good chemistry and if you haven't seen it it's culturally significant enough to be in the Criterion Collection, which is a big deal.

Ghostbusters Criterion Collection Edition, making the film officially culturally significant for mankind.

  The new version has a female lead-role cast and is pretty terrible.  Jokes fall flat, the special-effects are television-worthy and low-budget, and the characters are not believable and also insultingly stereotypical.  I'm actually surprised the Black Lives Matter gang doesn't attack movie-go'ers because of Leslie Jone's vulgar portrayal of the black-community, making Madea 9: Tough Love starring Tyler Perry seem like Malcom: X.  It's painfully insulting to the point of making even me angry.  She might as well have worn black-face and announced "Mammy!" at every scene.  Yes, "Mammy!"  Now you say it right now.  Mammy!  There, you did it.  See?

Leslie Jones as Aunt Jemima in Ghostbusters 2016, honoring the struggle of ebony women everywhere
Junior love dem pan-cakes!  MAMMY!

  If you've seen the Clone Wars film that came out in the theaters in 2008 when the female lead role is asked, "You're a Jedi?" and she announces, "I'm a girl, you got a problem with that?  Hmph!"  Pout.. aaaaand.. end scene!  That's a wrap!  Ugh.  Stop.  Just stop. 

This was Clone Wars in the theater.  I saw it.  God help me.

  Though the movie is bombing hard in the theaters and will not even break-even, Rotten Tomatoes as well as the dubious Washington Post are heralding this film as a 5-star winner.  Be advised that other 5-star films by RT are, Star Wars, Seven Samurai, Godfather, Cassablanca, Gone with the Wind, Shawshank Redemption, Lord of the Rings, Blade Runner, 12 Angry Men (1957), Goodfellas, Chinatown, Enter the Dragon, The Thing (1982), Silence of the Lambs, The Sound of Music, Rear Window, Rocky, Once Upon a Time in the West, Ben Hur, and Lawrence of Arabia.  Oh, and apparently Ghostbusters 2016.  Yeah....  this new movie is 5 stars?  Best of all time?  So good it deserves to be saved and ^*&^ing maintained in an indestructible vault such that, in case all of mankind doth perish, all those movies listed above, along with, and rightly-so, Ghostbusters 2016 should be preserved for all time, lest we not walk silently into the ever night, let our souls be saved in art and through our best works of our existence to stand the test of Time for all eternity, let our voices be heard as a once and great species in the Universe!  God help us...

The new Ghostbusters 2016 film is more noble and awe-inspiring than this, apparently to the Washington Post

  The film deserves 1/2 star.  Go and create a small account on Rotten Tomatoes right now and rate is properly as 1/2 star.  My only guess is that Sony Pictures paid hundreds of people to give it a 5-star review, and The Washington Post which is now forever invalid to me as a money-grabbing, dishonest and dead rag of Satanic lies.  Sony spiked the punch in the same way Putin put his men in positions of law and power in the Ukraine 5 years prior to invading it to gunk-up the works and make the Ukrainian defence fail.

I've really put you through a lot, haven't I? Well, that's brothers for you: they always know which buttons to press. 

  It's not Rotten Tomatoes' fault, really.  It's just a database.  It can't scan for paid, immoral reviewers, though you'll notice that these reviewers ONLY HAVE ONE REVIEW!.. Yes, and that review is Ghostbusters 2016!  The movie was SOOOOOOOO good, sooooo amazing, that people RAN to their computers, logged-on and created accounts to review just THIS ONE film because it moved them so deeply on such an internal level, on a MOLECULAR level that they HAD to give this film 5 stars!  Oddly, a lot of these reviewers then deleted their accounts right after that one review as well.  So moved, they knew nothing would surpass such elegance, such grace, such pathos and perfection.  Right...

I have seen.. the greatest film ever made, in both past and future.. God's Light pales in comparison.  I have seen beyond God in Ghostbusters 2016, The Motion Picture.

  So.. watch it if you want.  I recommend stealing a copy than giving Sony your money, and when you rate it.  Rate it honestly.

Wonder Woman says, "Don't make me use my magic lasso on you!"

  Nice try, Sony, for trying to spike the punch-bowl with roofies.  Lies.  All lies.  Frack-you, Sony!

Annie Potts eat your heart-out.

..and for the ladies..
You like my stream?


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