Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Much Ado About Nothing

  Last week in the parking lot of Schriever AFB, while I was warming up my little Saturn Astra (with an engine the size of an hamster's gall bladder it takes a bit) (which I've dubbed "The Escape Pod" for all it's worth) a boat of a car which I believed to be a '90s baby-blue Ford Crown Victoria (which is about 12 football lengths long in all it's V8 glory) sloooooowly backup into me and continued to back up through me.  Kitty Pryde was not driving, unfortunately.

    Now, in his defense, it had just snowed pretty darn good, so for all he knew, I was a tiny snow flake.  Veeerrrrrry slowly he kept smooshing me while I leaned on the horn, and I did not want smoosh smoosh..  After a minute or so I got out and shouted right next to the guy to perhaps cease and desist, but then the old geezer popped his automatic into drive and .. well, as one would do with being in "Drive", did so, and left. 

  Despite it being 5:50 am and having worked a midshift for 12 hours plus, and it being dark, I mentally jotted down his license plate and ran back to my car to write it down, as well as the model, make, and probable year, and then sped after him to the gate guard to inform the little 18-year-old tween-cops of the incident.  This process took an hour in their shack and they couldn't figure out how to print the required documents because Microsfot Office is elusive to some.  I gave them all the info and went home in disgust. 

  Geico insisted I had to pay the deductible of $250 until they found the culprit.  Local police said it was out of their jurisdiction since it was on-base.  I'm trapped to the "abilities" of on-base kid-cops level 0.  After a week, despite all the information I gave 'em, they couldn't figure it out.  Geico said there's no Ford Crown Vic with that license plate number.  I suggested it might be a different state than Colorado as since on-base there's lots of out-of-towners and they continued to search.  The kid-cops level zero also couldn't find anyone

   On the morning of the event one week and one day later, I saw the car again!  Turns out the car is a blue Mercury Grand Marquis and not a Ford Crown Victoria.  They share the same platform, so it's honestly an easy mistake, the only distinguishing marks between the two before Ford eliminated the brand was the emblem on the rear center being the more modern Mercury symbol and not the blue-oval, hand-written Ford logo.  I informed the kid cops and Geico and then they found the car within 15 minutes.  Ugh.  I then put a note on the Mercury's windshield explaining what had happened and that he should inform the kid-cops and my insurance.

  My Astra only got some paint removal which is being repaired right now ($680 of paint, impossibly, which would paint 5 cars if I had gone to Maaco) and should be back to new in a day or so.  Geico let me know that it'll take time for his insurance to pay-up the deductible of $250.  I suspect 20 years.  I blame Obama.


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