Saturday, January 4, 2014

Marajuana Overdose Kills 37


  So far the death toll of marijuana overdose here in Colorado is only 37 from yesterday, though up an additional 22 today, possibly due to the snowfall keeping drug-head-losers indoors.  Indirect marijuana death, such as driving-while-intoxicated is under 100 as of today, which is nice, as I expected a higher value. 

  Minimum-wage has gone up to $8/hr. here in Colorado as well, so munchies will become vastly more expensive, causing "marijuana-munchies" riots at places like 7-11 and Kum n' Go convenience stores across the state.

  Of the 159 deaths due to marijuana, 21 were children under the age of 16.  Says one spokesman, "I didn't think it would get this bad.  I hoped the legalization would make people act responsibly, because marijuana users are the most responsible, upright citizens I know."  Many of the overdosers had smoked over 3 pounds in a 24-hour period having a Blood-THC level of 43% causing their lips and skin to change to a slight olive complexion.  "Even the tears were toxic." reported on doctor from Memorial Hospital Central.  "You could get high just from touching their skin."

  Currently, marijuana is going for $560/oz.  3 pounds worth would have cost approximately $26,880.  Many people have dumped their 401k plans to pay for the expensive luxury-smoke.  The stock-market should plummet shortly due to the massive sell-off.  When asked a local stoner girl, "What about college?" she replied, "What's the point?  I can just get high."

  Widefield Water and Sanitation District cannot filter-out the THC through the sewage lines and many children and prenatal infants are getting mental, developmental damage by getting "high" second-hand through the water supply.  Sales of bottled water have gone up 4000% so the children aren't brain-damaged.

  "At least Colorado is getting more tax money." says one city worker, noting the 25% tax-rate for the Devil's Weed.  When asked where the tax money was going to, such as plowing buried roads here in Colorado Springs after a foot of snowfall, city planners slammed the door in our faces, saying, "That's how it works!  We collect more taxes and you can pick up your 'Bama Phone T-shirt at the kiosk."  We mentioned there weren't any more T-shirts and city workers said, "Yeah, there never was.  That's how it works.  More taxes, less rewards, and we get to drive a company-Mercedes.  Priorities first after-all."  A child started weeping next to me but city workers hushed her up with a brick to the face.

  Enjoy your tax dollars at work, kiddies.  Ah, idealist voters thinking it's easier to take down a government than a corporation.  That's why I like Republicans better, because it's easier to boycott a product than overthrow a government.

Locals have decided to take matters in their own hands and plow their own streets despite Democratic Taxation without representation.

The End.

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