Monday, March 31, 2014

Playing Grown-Up

Obviously true-love here.  Who doesn't love a chipy-munky?

 I don't get why some people are married.  Concept of marital bliss is an easy one to fathom, yet all I see are selfish kids squabbling.  I can barely remember a "good" marriage from anyone's but my own, and mine is without blinders.  I'm very careful to analyze that last point.  I sit, and think, and think alone to make sure I'm not deluding myself.  I'm not.  I'm in a good marriage.  Ups and downs?  Sure, though rather mild ups and downs; milder than I've seen anyone else.  Am I whipped or apathetic?  Nope.  I really spend a lot of time self-analyzing, hence the Virgo's bitter-sweet existence.  As a Virgo f I was insulted by someone in jest, I self-analyze it for about a month or two to think if there's an opportunity for self-improvement.  I learn from it.  I learn from experience and brood over it.  I'm not hurt by it, I use it as useful criticism.  That's how awesome I am, and I don't need any guns to back that up like a recent co-worker trying to sell a $600k house on a dead market who delights in the opportunity to shoot a solicitor and says so in great detail with glee.  Oh, these "heroes" with such low self-esteem never witnessing or partaking in a murder.  Changes you, I tell you what, and you'll never be the same again, and not for the "good".  Never.  Ever.  Ask anyone who's been there.  Not all gravy, kids.  Necessary?  Perhaps, sadly, to chain that albatross around your own neck for all eternity, lest Horus weigh your heart too heavy on that last day?

  Sigh, anyway, so I think my marriage is decent.  One factor is we're not in each other's business all the time, and I attribute that to shift-work.  A little not seeing each other Ladyhawk style is fine, maybe a week or so, as it helps when we meet we have something interesting to talk about as we've both grown in different ways as people, interacting with the Outside.  Another is we have "adventures".  Often more than not our vacations are "adventures" where there's great good and usually pretty bad events too, to create a story: a mixed bag, but that's the balance of Life. 
  I meet these kids mirroring what TV has taught them about marriage and it's pretty pathetic, filled with the wrong kind of drama self-induced.  I was a victim of my own drama that I made-up when I was 19 and living for a summer with a rather fetching girl that ended-up badly (for me anyway) but in the end-end ended-up beneficial, as I learned from it.  From correspondence a few years ago, it seems she too learned from things beneficially, and that's very good!  I'm happy it wasn't for naught.  We're both stronger from the time we spent.  Some of my previous ex'es not so much (in my opinion) and didn't survive my underdeveloped brain of teenage ambivalence.  I sort of cringe when I think what a spazzy kid I was back then, unfocused and passionate.  Definitely a rebel without a cause (or clue, Mr. Petty).

  I know one such couple who regularly cheat on each other.  They've been married a year or so and are having the actual "wedding" ceremony because it's all that pomp and it'll make things "better".  Doubtful.  Maybe for a month or so, then back to the carnage.  I was invited but I'm not going.  I denounce it as sacrilege.  It's broken before it started.  I would go to a "divorce" ceremony, however.  If they proceeded with the "wedding" ceremony as a "divorce" ceremony, the priest asking, "do you, divorce this woman?"  "I do." etc.  That would be something!  At least some progress in the right direction.  I can't be happy for two selfish villains, even if one of them looks like The Hamburgler and the other, a 9-foot snake with a ferret's head.  No sir.  I denounce it utterly, mostly because I don't want a Hamburglar Snake.

Kari Sweets says, "I definitely don't have daddy issues. 
Now let's get married, okay?  Oh, did I sleep with your
best friend?  Woopsies!"
  Look, getting married doesn't fix things.  I know John the Baptist did that "baptism" thing to get people to turn-over a new leaf on a physical ritual level (wasted on infants in my opinion, lest the parents maybe focusing on a proper upbringing?)  but marriage isn't going to cut it, ceremony or no.  It's an agreement to self-sacrifice on both parties to help each other survive in this world.  It's not about drama.  It's not about immorality or "settling down" or an answer towards stability.  If you're looking for that, be a monk in a monetary (or a nun).  I'll quote my favorite X-Men character, Kitty Pride from Joss Whedon's Astonishing X-Men: Unstoppable, "Everything is so fragile. There's so much conflict, so much keep waiting for the dust to settle and then you realize it: the dust is your life going on. If happy comes along -- that weird unbearable delight that's actual "happy" -- I think you have to grab it while you can. You take what you can get, 'cause it's here, and then...gone."

 Kitty points ot that "stability" doesn't happen.  I've seen dirty-pirate-hookers suddenly "settle down" with plumber-supply salesmen from Sheboygan.  I've seen them "settle down" with nicer-than-sunshine, innocent Master Sergeants, happy to start than nice, new chapter of stability, of being a "mom".  Disgusting.  It makes me ill they bathe in the River Lethe, forgetting their sins without asking forgiveness to anyone, especially themselves, never making any amends, just happily La-La-La'ing on, singing, "Oh, that was how I used to be!"  Uh huh.  I'll quote a little William Blake:


The mark is on you now.  The furnace sealed inside your head.
Melting from the inside now.  Waxy tears run down your face.

The whore that never told her tale relives it every night with you.
Far off stands the lamb and waits for the wolf to come and end its life.

Stand inside the temple as the book of Thel is opening.
The priestess stands before you, offering her hand out, she's rising.
Come the dawning of the dead in famine and in war.
Now the harlot womb of death spits out its rotten core.

Serpent on the altar now has wrapped itself around your spine.
So you look into its mouth and you kiss the pearly fangs divine.

Happy that your end is swift, the weeping virgin cries in bliss.
The snake and priestess, they are one. The veil of flesh is ripped undone.

By the pricking of my thumbs, something wicked this way comes,
And when sleep takes you tonight, will you wake to see the light?
The burning sweat of poison tears. The river flowing red with blood.
The cradle-robbing hand of death caresses every dreaming head.

Waiting for the marriage hearse to take you to the funeral pyre.
So you burn the family tree?   The generations burning higher.

What demon hath formed this abominable void, 
this soul-shuddering vacuum?
Some said it is Urizen -
But unknown, abstracted, brooding secret:
The dark power, hid.

 Ah, perhaps an unpopular blog, this one, condemning the evil so carelessly?  Perhaps so.  None of us are without evil deeds, but it's for us to fix that, to repent and change before we get married, to confess to your partner, to make amends beforehand, or more importantly, not get married at all, and definitely not have kids to fix and burry that darkness.  Men and women are both to blame.  It's not one-sided.
  It's okay to be who you are, but first you have to figure that out for yourself.  Usually takes till age 30 I find.  Marriage and kids are not the solution to fix that but instead with emotional, spiritual, and internal self-growth and maturity.  If you burry that seed deep in the ground with marriage, that seed burried will eventually sprout, and your kids will be of that evil genetically I think, no matter what you try, sharing the same spirit.  That marriage will crumble and decay, and the evil that you are will all that will remain, like a wet, quivering, naked, muddy child that you are.  Grow up, Generation Zero.  It's not all about you.  Un-Kay?
   I fear for the future, the ambivalent selfishness in these kids trying to play grown-up, playing dress-up like children in adult's clothes standing on weakened shoulders, wavering, with no sense of workmanship or abilities.  I doubt this message will solve anything or make a difference, this "World is Doomed" wooden banner on my body in town like some crazy-man.  I just want a few folks to put some elbow-grease in work they do, in relationships and make them valuable.  It doesn't take that much, just a little sincerity and humility, and maybe a small dash of sacrifice to meet each other half-way.  Sheesh.  Generation Zero sucks.  Grow UP already!

"Sh*t, b*tch, you got dem Skunk AIDS!  Why you stink like you been wit da whole NBA?  Sheeee--it!"


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