Thursday, October 6, 2011

Eye exam

So I went to my first non-USAF eye exam in my life today.  Rather violent an experience that may or may not have involved horses, hoops, balls of bears, elephants and balrogs. (SING with me!)

My eye:

Dad, DAD what IS that?!  God help us!
It's Circus Fun right in your bowl,
and you're gonna wanna come fun.
For horses n' hoops, balls of bears, elephants and balrogs!  WHAT?!
Horses n' hoops, balls of bears, elephants.. and BALROGS!  (RAWRL!)

Look dad, horses!  Hoops!  Balls of Bears!  Elephants!
I don't get why they have to pour this junk in your eyes to make you dilate like an anime character.

Still, overall a rather rude experience with a 2 hour delay (they were behind that day).  What, did they install Sony Optic Eyes ala cyberpunk that morning?  Sheesh.  Pathetic.  Read some charts, had my eyes drowned in anime juice, I kept fidgeting during the glaucoma test (she was taking way too long, isn't 4 minutes a LOT for one eye without blinking?) so the nurse finally gave up.  No lollipop for me.

So she says the doc'll do it.  So I'm put aside in the waiting room for another hour, which is ridiculous, and then I'm hurried into a tiny room where I wait another 20 minutes.  Young doc that looks a lot like Peter North shows up (to my mild concern).  Reads my nurses-generated hand-written chart (so 1940's) and tells me I have 20/20 vision.  Checks my now hyper-dilated eyes (everything's blurry and aural) with what seems to be a scanning laser (well at least we're in the 60s now) with a strap-on head-unit he puts on himself (wait a minute, bud).  Then tells me everything's perfectly fine.

Now my problem is that my vision far away and super close up is blurry (more so now that my eyes have been anime'ted) but he says it's normal for someone my age, that the retna tends to lose its elasticity over time.  I asked for a solution to that and he says there is none.  I no longer have 20/11 vision and he won't correct it further than 20/20.  He recommends going to the Dollar General store and getting some cheap-o reading glasses.  Uh huh.

I guess 20/20 is okay.  I'm just used to far superior vision and it's noticeable by almost 50%.  To fix the elasticity he says science hasn't got that far yet and doesn't know how to fix it.  There's no known cure for this.  Most people get it around age 40 (yep).  Sigh.  Science better hurry up.  I'm unimpressed.  I miss Boston for this.  At least they were smart.

Good heavens Miss Yakamoto, you're beautiful!!!

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