I'd like to instead grade children on some artwork. Since I don't have any, I can be unbiased. I often see parents gushing over a kid's drawings when it's obvious they are favoring their kid's work over Rembrandt van Rijn or Claude Monet. With the following segment, I can be fair and impartial and give a much-needed critical eye on the subject matter, taking into account their 5 or 6 years of drawing skill.
Let's begin, shall we?
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Entry Number 1:
Here we have a Halloween entry for the season. What sort of shit is this? The child is presenting "Mom" with a quartet of otherworldly deformed demons contracted from her sick, twisted mind. It's obvious "Mom" was doing drugs when she was pregnant causing brain damage to the child who now seeks revenge ala Electra complex. Here, we see a clouded world, a distant mist. No sky, no earth, just a state of limbo or purgatory where a badly bondage soul on the right sadly looks on, wrapped so quickly it's apparent its right arm was desperately reaching up through the wrapping to the neck and got stuck there. Also we see a bicolored Navi from Avatar with a blue-strawed chapeau and a see-through whore-skirt, its limbs afflicted with gangrene, it doesn't have long to live, and it's thankful for it as it's being accosted by a shit-harpy caught in-the-act of defecating on her. On the bottom is a quadriplegic spectre with soul-less, lifeless eyes. It's given up hope long ago, caught forever in a vacant gaze, mouth agape and empty of words. He thought the afterlife would grant him limbs but oh was he mistaken. He held on to that hope in the land of the living for so long until his Dia de Muertos. So wrong. So.. so wrong. Now he must endure eternity limbless, and the life and hope has faded from his eyes. Cursing God, the ultimate sin, he's trapped in this empty, empty void of purgatory with the others. Way to go kid. Grade: F
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Entry Number 2:
Ah, here we have the classic brainwashed George Orwellian society shoved in-the-face by idiotic schoolteachers thinking Obama was a good idea. Pink-o communism fails, teachers. When will you realize the only financial gain you get is when a Republican gets in office? I know the Democrats play on that they're for schools, but look at all the funding cut during the Carter, Clinton, and Obama administrations. Maybe you'll learn before you're dead. Notice how parents have to pay for school supplies to stock your cabinet this year? Look who's president. Think about it.
Here, we see that everyone is loved. Everyone is equal. This is a fine rendition of a lie. This is Armageddon in the form of the book Animal Farm for those of you who know how to read. There's a cartoon of it for the less intelligent if you're willing to give it a go. If not, well, you voted Obama and you won. Enjoy that, suckers. The Communism Propaganda here is that everyone is fair and everyone is loved, but the evil seeps through the cracks. Molly, the center child is obviously the leader. Tabitha is to the far left and is being attacked by deformed demons while Molly throws a rock at her. She's been banished from the realm because she doesn't believe in Communistic dictatorship of Molly who stands above everyone else on a pedestal like Hillary Clinton. Tabitha is also different than everyone else as she has four legs and can fly. These traits are better than everyone else so she's banished. A red-clad child with broken feet is obviously the worker class. She represents Occupy Wall Street. She's glad those with better abilities than her is cast-out of Eden so everyone can be equal, and poor. Karen stands on the right with her death-turret and drug-laced poppies. She's representing the military. She's allowed her escapist drugs and glad she didn't have to fight this battle. She's ineffectual as she's been in for 19 years and just wants to get her retirement and doesn't want to act. Karen's been through so much, including that advancement in rank from Molly that cost her her self-esteem so many years ago. Molly remembers. Molly is gonna make sure she gets sloppy seconds before Karen retires. That is if she gives her retirement pay. May induce stop-loss and make her stay in, just a little longer. The death-turret is broken anyway, and will likely explode when in-use, killing everyone. Grade: F
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Entry Number 3:
It's pretty obvious the text was added later, so I'll ignore it. Here we see Miss Sierra Paola being forced to believe that anorexia is preferred. Some of her organs removed as well as her lower ribcage was somewhat popular at the time ala Vampira of the mid 1950s to get that slimming waist, she became popular with the Mafia. Her legs broken and gangrened, she laments and considers her past life as she stands at the bottom of the ocean. You see, the Mafia liked her looks because she starved herself as Society dictated. Got in with a nice Italian guy, Lenny. Lenny got sick of her because she gabbed on the phone too much. Way too much. Just won't shut the frack up. One night, supper wasn't ready again for the third time. She'd been on the phone with Gina, talking about leggings. Lenny got fed up and him and his buds gang-banged her and threw her into the ocean after breaking her legs and ripping her arms off and stuffing them in her ears. That'll teach her. At 300 Atmospheres, she doesn't have long to go in the depth of the Abysmal Zone of the Pacific. A lantern-fish looks on, considering if the meal is worth all the bones an no meat. Grade: F
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Entry Number 4:
A butterfly you think? Think again. This metamorphosized caterpillar is trapped in a bobbed-wire cage with no food. He smiles in denial, gone insane. He just shitted a green peanut, his only source of food. Either that or the jailer has decided that this is what butterflies eat. Butterflies eat nectar from flowers so the leaf is an ironic joke. No nectar there. I bet it's from a rose bush, just to add insult to injury. His wings are fading due to lack of use lest he rip them on the razor wire. He tried to chew the linkage, but now his mouth bleeds. He stares, vacantly, hoping for someone to end his life. Death will not come swift enough, and he knows it. Little Betty thought it'd be cute to catch the butterfly as a new pet. She put him in this cage in her room and went to bed. The lights go out, for Betty .. and the butterfly. Morning will be a dawning reality for Betty, that she's a murderer, and likely turn into the Black Dhalia. Grade: F
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Hope you enjoyed my little segment. I have a new song up on my website. Part III of the Gangster of Boats Trilogy called Leave That Thing Alone produced originally by Rush off the album Counterparts. Ta ta.
Freakin' hillarious!
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