Saturday, March 17, 2012

The Blessed Virgin Mary had extreme BO and smelled like sh*t

    Back in about nothing AD, soap wasn't used much, and bathing was rare, though some Romans would occasionally do so if the city had a bath house, though those didn't come into vogue until 43 AD, and it'd be unlikely Jewish girls would be invited.  Girls didn't shave anything and often got fleas, ticks, and lice permanently.  There was no Pantene Pro-V conditioner either, and it was really dusty in the desert all the time.  People ate a lot of legumes so they farted a LOT and HARD and explosively.  There was no toilet paper either.  Even now, Middle Easterners use sand and their left hand when there's no toilet handy.  A lot of times they go outside of their mud hut and sh*t right behind their house.  I've known some to crap right next to their beds because it's too much bother to go outside at night, even if it's runny, violent diarrhea, splattering all over the place.  Jews didn't really have "beds" as we know it, often collected straw with chiggers, fleas, ticks, etc. (over time).  There was no deodorant either.  Some people would try to mask the stink with herbs but it never worked.  There was no toothpaste so teeth were blackened and stank like homeless women in Detroit jones'n for crack.  New clothes were rare and washing them was almost irrelevant except to get the mud off once every year or two, mostly made of a burlap material.  Dry skin had to have been intense and flaky, but the armpit hair caught a lot of it as a nice meal for the bugs.

  Joseph had 7 children before his wife died in childbirth on #7.  Mary got pregnant "immaculately" at around age 11, though the "virgin" part indicates Joseph had nothing to do with it, since Jesus (Ioshua)  had one older brother and then 3 younger siblings (two sisters and another brother). These were outside of Joseph's 7.  Somehow, Mary had another kid before Joseph by .. someone?   It's arguable that Mary boinked before Joe.  This makes her a dirty pirate hooker at age 9 or 10.  Based on age survival, Joeseph was likely in his early 30s, because 11 year old Jewish girls are hot to trot.  Anyway she told him she was pregnant by magic God so they got married a few weeks later.  He then banged her at least 3 more times and she had 3 more children before age 16.  That's pretty slutty.

  Okay, so the likelihood is that yes, she stunk, her fingernails were encrusted with sh*t, she was as hairy as a caveman, complete with unibrow and messed-up teeth.  She couldn't read, as it was forbidden by the Jewish faith, nor could she count or add.  She was considered at best a possession like a donkey, and by age 11 she was humped by men old enough to be her grandpa.

Possible picture of Mary, Mother of Jesus (taken by a Nikon)

 I get annoyed that society has to "pretty-up" things.  Make them seem nicer than they really were.  Make people seem like heroes when there were mediocre or only did a few nice things but were generally downright bad people.  Mary was probably an okay little girl.  I don't think one should pray to her, because that demotes demigods and making a quadinity instead of a trinity.  She was not a demigod.  The concept of God making her pregnant is irrelevant to me.  She could have sat on Joe's lap and he bust a nut for all I know.  Just no penetration I guess.  I don't need some sort of magical birth to make Ioshua's Word a good one.  I think it might have been made-up to make Him seem more important, more holy.  I don't need that.  I also don't need miracles or a resurrection to make His Word right.  The core of it is there and it's truth, but I see a lot of people needing to cling to this, otherwise it becomes less for them.  The TRUTH of things is what's important.  There's no denying Mary stunk, was hairy, had bad breath, rotten teeth, and had shit in her fingernails and va-jay-jay at all times, was infested with parasites and bug bites, and had an IQ of about 41 at best.  Mary is consequential.  Mary is a backstory, as is Joseph, almost brushed aside and peppered with a few magical bits to make it seem wonderful.  I'm certain it wasn't.. not at all.  Imagine all the flies all the time during the Birth of Jesus (Ioshua)!  Flies EVERYWHERE!  Animals crapping all around in that hollowed-out cave-area to the god Tammuz the Sumerian shepherd-god.  Somehow everything got all prettied-up along the way, after-the-fact.
  I encourage everyone to go to the Middle East and see what it's like there, then downgrade that about 2100 years, give-or-take.  I've seen modern Middle Easteners shit on themselves stink like dog, treating women like gnats even still.
  I don't need magic to make Ioshua's Word true, nor miracles performed or exaggerated. 

Blasphemous?  Perhaps.  Accurate?  Perhaps.  Yet THESE THINGS DO NOT SWAY ME FROM WHAT IS RIGHT; and if you're clinging to some deep, inner issues using religion as an anchor, as a crutch, well you got bigger problems, America.  Fix those FIRST, don't cover up your issues with religion.  Makes us true believers look bad.  Go see a shrink and get over yourself.



  1. I can't say that I got through this without laughing a few times. That would be a lie.