Monday, November 7, 2011

The Dentist

Hadn't been in 2 years for a cleaning.  I tend to get a bit of calcification in my lower fronts so it was about time.  Since I joined Lockheed my insurance changed.  Closest dentist "Perfect Teeth" was 13 miles north (as is everything in Fountain it seems).

Why is it a dentist never offers good news?  Always gloom and doom.  Dental hygienists are always hot so it's hard to discredit them.  They seem to have a bizarre fetish for all things teeth.  Pretty extreme.  No matter how well you maintain them it's not good enough.  I think the best grade you can get is "barely passable, maybe" of a score of D minus.  I got an exciting F plus!  A bit of calcification in need of a "deep scalar cleaning" that costs me, after insurance, $560.  Total cost before insurance is almost $2000.  For a cleaning.  Pretty steep a price, methinks.  They always make you feel cheap and bad afterwards too.  How many times do you brush a day?  Only twice?  That's unacceptable!!!  You should brush at least constantly all day and night!  Only then will you almost win my favor!  Maybe!  How many times do you floss every day?  Only once at night?  That is entirely unacceptable!!!  FAILURE!  You must minimum floss constantly each tooth at the same time constantly all day and night twice, which means you must purchase a time machine and simultaneously have all of your teeth flossed by a team of experts constantly all day and night forever, then at the stroke of midnight, merge both your forms together and then repeat the process for all eternity like Sisyphus.  Only then may you just barely be acceptable!!! 

By gods they want you to brush your teeth OFF so that there's only bare, exposed nerve endings, bleached white to a diamond finish.  If my teeth were VSS-grade flawless diamonds with granite, unmoving gums I might be allowed to almost lick their boots, may-be.

I don't understand how it's 2011 and still dentists use a stainless steel metal hook and then literally gouge your gums as deeply as possible and then chastise you for bleeding a bit.  Tsk tsk, they announce and degrade you as your muscles tense in the chair in pain and shame.  Thanks, Dr. Zell.  Is it safe?

Felt depressed afterwards.  Went to a diner but it did me no good.  Went to Guitar Center and they only had Chinese knockoff AC adapters and wouldn't sell me the display model of the pedal board they had up as it was the last one.  Limped home and watched State Fair (the rather droll 1945 version based on the 1933 version that won an Academy Award for best picture).  It was horrible and the songs were painful, though a nice cameo from Paw Kettle for those in-the-know.

Oh well, tomorrow's another day!

3 comments:

  1. Poor Mike.

    You sound like you need some $6 Wrestling to cheer you up.

    "Candyman, use your candy plan!"

    1997
    NOW

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  2. By the way, I don't know if you've seen the news this morning, but apparently there's supposed to be a large meteor shooting between the Sun and Planet Earth today (or sometime soon)... just like in Thundarr the Barbarian, only that in the future. 1994. NOW.

    1997
    NOW

    ReplyDelete
  3. LOL. That video is hilarious! Indeed, tomorrow's another day! Don't feel so sad about your dental appointment. The more you see your dentist, the healthier your teeth will become. Be optimistic! =)

    ReplyDelete